Meet The Hero: A Dangerous Dwarf Gets Interviewed

My her from The Serpent and the Pearl is a reclusive sort, but I dragged him to my blog today for an interview. 😀


Me: Why don’t you introduce yourself for the readers?

Him: My name is Leonello. (Props his boots up on my desk unasked)

Me: Leonello what?

Leonello: I’m distinctive enough that I don’t need a last name.

Me: You are distinctive, I must say. Dark hair, hazel eyes, about thirty years old, a sarcastic expression–

Leonello: Are we going to ignore the elephant in the room? I’m a dwarf.

Me: True, you are. How has your stature affected your life?

Leonello: I’ve managed so far not to get stomped to death by drunks, or have to take a job as a jester for layabout Renaissance lords. I count myself a success.

Me: What is it you do for a living?

Leonello: I used to be a card-sharp. Sit down at a game of primiera with me, and I will be very happy to relieve you of your money. But I don’t have to play cards for a living anymore.

Me: What is it you do now?

Leonello: The Pope’s son Cesare Borgia hired me. I’m to be a bodyguard for his father’s mistress.

Me: Aren’t you–wait, the Pope has a mistress?

Leonello: Why, doesn’t your current pope have one?

Me: Definitely not. Um, aren’t you a little atypical, as a choice for a bodyguard?

Leonello: Because I’m short? You can go ahead and say it.

Me: Ok, because you’re short.

Leonello: I may be short, but I’m dangerous. I throw knives.

Me: How well can you throw knives?

Leonello: I could put a blade through each of your eyes at ten paces, before you could blink your lids shut.

Me: Don’t demonstrate, please.

Leonello: Wouldn’t dream of it. I love being underestimated. Everybody underestimates a dwarf.

Me: I think Tyrion Lannister said something very similar on “Game of Thrones.”

Leonello: Now you’re being lazy. Just because we’re both dwarves doesn’t mean I have anything else in common with Tyrion Lannister.

Me: What’s the principal difference between the two of you, then?

Leonello: He wants to be liked, and he tries to make people laugh. That’s fine; it works for him. I don’t care if I’m liked, and I’m nobody’s jester, and that works for me.

Me: Are you always this sarcastic?

Leonello: You know I am. You invented me.

Me: Yes, but you’re not allowed to be sarcastic to me. I created you; you’re supposed to be nice to me.

Leonello: Dio. Am I done now?

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